Unfaithful Child/Spouse Archives 2015
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  • Hear My Cry O Lord by David Maxson
  • Empty Hands (poem) 
  • The Secret Sin of Pornography
  • Advice for wives whose husbands are addicted to pornography
  • Porn Industry is Targeting Our Children
  • Various Information and Warnings about pornography and children
  • Proverbs 16:19
  • There is a Pedophile in my Family by Julie Anne Smith

 

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Hear my cry, O God,

listen to my prayer;

from the end of the earth I call to you

when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock

That is higher than I,

for you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the enemy.

Psalm 61:1-3

 

Someone comes to me with a serious problem...

They've got a temptation that is killing them. They've been wrestling with it for years. They've all but given up the fight.

Their marriage is on life-support. Divorce is not only on the table, it appears to be inevitable. It's just a matter of time before lawyers are involved.

Problems with kids... An issue at work... Conflict at church... Whatever the problem is, it's bigger than them. They feel helpless and overwhelmed. They are desperate.

It seems almost insulting to ask, the advice seems so obvious... But I've learned I must ask...

"Are you praying about this?"

Guess what? Most tell me no.

Explains the problem, does it not? How can we handle such problems without God? Without Jesus we're doomed to fail!

What about you? Are you trying to manage problems in life without God? Are you taking it to your Father? Or are you trying to do it by yourself?

Father God, I don't know why we try to do it without you! Be with us, Lord, and give us the strength we need.

 

David Maxson

 

 

 One by one He took them from me,
All the things I valued most;
Until I was empty handed
Every glittering toy was lost.
And I walked earth’s lonely highways
In my rags and poverty;
Till I heard His voice entreating,
“Lift your empty hands to Me.”
Empty hands I lifted heavenward
And He filled them with a store
Of His own transcendent riches
Till my hands could hold no more.
And at last I comprehended,
With my mind so slow and dull,
That God could not pour His riches
Into hands already full.

 

 

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The Secret Sin of Pornography


There was a time in the history of the church when pornography was not too much of a problem to have to deal with. Sure, it existed, but the access was very limited. At one time, you would have to go to a convenience store or an adult bookstore in order to find a pornographic magazine. Not many Christians would take the risk of being caught with that kind of merchandise in their possession. Also, since most Christian men and women did not spend their time in such places, the temptation wasn’t as severe. Along with that, there were more restrictions as to what was allowed to be shown on television. God’s people, generally speaking, were once opposed to movies because of the filth found in them. Movies began to be rated and Christians wouldn’t run the risk of exposing themselves in public by seeing an R-rated movie that obviously contained things of a sexual nature (although that is not the case today).

In today’s X-rated society, things are quite different. What is viewed as offensive is not the same as it used to be. People have a different view of what is now considered appropriate. The envelope has been pushed as to what can be shown on television. The new technology of cable and satellite TV has also piped in more programs containing sexual images into the privacy of every home. And what has brought more problems to the morality of our country is the internet. Anyone can see absolutely any kind of perversion imaginable with one click while remaining totally anonymous. No one asks. No one tells. And with this new instant, private access to pornography being right there in everyone’s home, an old temptation has come back with a disturbing amount of success in the destruction of relationships and the church.

So, what’s the problem?

Maybe you are reading this and think, so what’s the big deal? It’s just pictures. It’s just movies. What harm can they do? God created all those bodies and sex, what’s wrong with admiring their beauty? Those people got paid to make pornography, I get a thrill, it’s a win-win situation, right? Why is my wife so upset with me? It’s not like I’m having an affair! Just look at the way society is now! How can it be my fault being surrounded by temptation? Nobody’s perfect!

Do any of these questions sound familiar? If so, you are about to find out how destructive the secret sin of pornography can be and how it is a real and relevant problem for everyone.

The numbers (but these are growing so rapidly they can hardly be calculated):

1. There are 1.3 million porn websites.
2. The number of pornographic web pages have increased 20 times the amount there were 5 years ago.
3. The total porn industry is at an estimated $4 billion to $10 billion (that’s quite a range, but agin – it’s hard to quantify).
4. Sex is the number one search topic on the internet.
5. 60% of all websites are sexual in nature.
6. More than 20,000 images of child pornography are posted on the internet each week.
7. Approximately 20 new children appear on porn sites every month-many are kidnapped or sold into sex. There is a growing demand of babies and toddlers but the typical age of children is between 6 and 12.
8. Of the teens online, 70% have come across porn accidentally over the Web.
9. 9 out of 10 children and teens between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Web, usually while doing homework or using a search engine.
10. 90% of teens and young adults have gone online and half of them go online once a day or more. 3 out of 4 young people have access at home and 1 in 3 have access from their own bedroom totally unsupervised.
11. 50% of parents do not use an internet filter.
12. 57 million Americans have internet access.
13. 25 million Americans visit sex sites between 1 to 10 hours a week. Another 4.7 million visit these sites 11 or more hours a week.
14. 70% keep their habit a secret.

Women and porn

1. 1 out of 6 women, including Christians, struggles with pornography addiction. They mostly are involved more with chat rooms while men are involved with images and videos online.
2. 80% of women take their addiction offline through affairs, multiple sex partners, or casual sex.

In a poll taken at a marriage and family seminar, 63% of the men admitted to struggling with porn in the previous year.

This is a big deal. There are currently more outlets for hardcore pornography in this country than there are McDonald’s restaurants. And the target is boys between the ages of 12 and 17. They are also the largest consumers of pornography. Why do you think that is?

Like a drug

When someone speaks of porn addiction, it doesn’t sound like it makes sense. If you ingest alcohol or use drugs, it makes more sense that someone can become addicted since an actual chemical is being released into the body. Porn is just a bunch of images, right? While there may not be an outward chemical ingestion, there is some chemicals at work that make people become addicted in the same way drugs and alcohol do.

We all experience internal chemicals at work in our bodies in different ways. Our stomach secretes gastric juices when we smell some homemade bread in the oven. If we are about to give a speech or do some kind of athletics, we feel the rush a adrenalin. In the same way, there are chemicals released when pornography is used that give us a sense of relief, excitement, pleasure or exhilaration, maybe feelings of maleness or wholeness, power, thrill, and a number of other things. What happens is that we begin to associate these feelings with the pornography and the flesh begins to take control over the spirit. At some point, even the thought of finding porn gives us a rush of exhilaration and a must-do feeling similar to what someone addicted to cocaine would feel. Most of the time, it doesn’t take too much viewing of porn for an addiction to develop. Especially if the viewer is around the age of the beginning of puberty (around 12 years old). Many who are not being treated for sex addiction say that they were first exposed at around this age. Jimmy Swaggert, after being caught with a prostitute, admitted to involving himself with porn at an early age.

The addict

This addiction, just as it is similar to how someone gets addicted to drugs, also escalates as someone who uses marijuana will sometimes move to a stronger drug in order to get a better high. Some of the symptoms of a sex addict are:

a. Acting out sexually and the inability to stop the use of porn despite serious consequences and repeated attempts of control.
b. Neglect or sacrifice of important social, family, occupational, or recreational activities.
c. Risk taking.
d. Living a double life.
e. Decrease in one’s spiritual or religious life.

The addict can move through 4 phases of their addiction, each one stronger than the next.

1. First is simply getting addicted.
2. Second is called escalation. With the passage of time, the addicted person requires rougher, more explicit, more deviant sexual material to get their “highs”.
3. Third is desensitization. Material that was once considered shocking, taboo-breaking, illegal, and repulsive, will be seen as commonplace. No matter what is being shown, the addict can legitimize it with a “everybody does it” kind of mentality.
4. Fourth is acting out sexually. This not only includes having affairs or multiple partners, but also includes voyeurism, exhibitionism, meeting another person (sometimes children) for sex from chat rooms, and even rape. At this point, the person feels that there is no way to change no matter how negative and severe the consequences are.

The innocent victims of porn

Not only does porn cause destruction to the addict and those who get involved in the acting out of the addiction, but the spouses and families of the addict also pay a severe price.

Wives pay a price. At workshops designed to help the victims, over and over again the same feelings are shared. Pain, trauma, disappointment, loneliness, confusion, fear, low self-esteem, and panic. They are withdrawn, hurt, sad, desperate, and defeated. All that from a husband looking a pictures on the internet? Yes, and more. Put yourself in the shoes of the spouse.

An addict is one of the most selfish people on earth. The only thing that matters is how to feed the addiction and it takes precedence even over a marriage. The wife or husband of an addict is no longer the focus of the attention. You have traded a living, breathing, loving person for a stranger on a video or computer screen. It’s not that the spouse of an addict is expecting perfection from them, but the needs of a marriage which is trust, love, protection, and even adoration, is now gone. How can the intimacy of a true marriage exists if the spouse is put on the back burner? Many wives ask, “What did I do?” “Am I not good enough?” Her self-esteem will disappear and she will find herself pleading for forgiveness for the sins of the sex addict. How sad it is for the victim of a sex addict who takes all the responsibility for the destruction of a marriage caused by internet porn and sexual addiction.

What do we do?

As you see, this is a serious problem for all involved in the secret sin of pornography. It’s often been said there is a reason it’s called the Web. It traps you and doesn’t let you go. You get so wrapped up that you can’t escape. So, what if you are caught up in this web? What are some practical things that can be done?

For the parent:

1. Spend time with your child while they work on the internet. Ask them questions about what they do online. Figure out how the instant messaging works. Know what e-mails they get and from who. Check history files often. Get the computer out of their rooms and into a place of high traffic in your home like a living room or den.

2. Instruct your children the dangers of the internet. Make sure that they never give out personal information or pictures without your consent online. Teach them to come get you whenever something appears on the screen that makes them feel uncomfortable.

3. Use an internet filter. You can go to www.afa.net and click on the AFA Filter button. It is inexpensive, there are no password overrides, and it is continually updated. Also, use spam filters for e-mails which you can also get from AFA online. 40% of spam that comes in is pornographic. Know what your child is getting in their e-mails and who it’s coming from.

For the spouse of a porn addict:

1. Don’t blame yourself. This is an addictive and a spiritual problem not caused by you.
2. Accusing or calling him sick or perverted will only drive an addict away from you.
3. Don’t keep it silent. This is a secret sin done in darkness and can only be overcome by bringing it to light.
4. Don’t stop praying or loving your spouse. Pray God will give him a repentant heart.
5. Don’t embarrass him in public or threaten to leave. You may have to, at some point, demand that he leave if the physical or emotional safety of your children or yourself is involved, but in this kind of a problem, you can fight for your marriage. It can be recovered with the help of God.
6. Get close to God as you will need His wisdom and guidance.
7. Be honest with your spouse about how you feel.
8. Let your spouse vent if he needs to. There are many things going on inside such as guilt, shame, frustration, anger, and so on.
9. Set boundaries. Let him know that you are willing to go so far with him, but he will have to decide that he really wants out of the problem. Those who want out, will get out!

For the addict:

Finally, there are some things that the addict must do in order to be done with this problem. Chances are if you are caught up in this, you are ready to be done with it. It may have been going on for such a long time you might have given up hope. But with God, there is always hope. Here are some steps that will help:

1. Destroy all sources of porn. Remove all videos and magazines or any kind of hard copy you may have. Get the internet filter or, if you need to, get rid of internet access altogether. If you need to use the internet, you can always go to the library or maybe you have access at work. The thing to remember is without the filter, you need to be supervised anytime you are online.

2. Delete all e-mail messages that contain pornographic images or links to web pages. If possible, change your e-mail address completely. You will need to go back and have your spouse or some other accountability partner change your password to your old address to make sure you don’t go back there if you were receiving messages that contained porn.

3. Erase any kinds of videos or pictures you may have downloaded to your hard drive.

4. Avoid any sexually driven movies, music, television programs, magazines, or books. If something comes on television that causes you to feel that feeling of lust, turn it off or change the channel. If you have favorites saved in your computer where you were getting porn, delete them and destroy any shred of sources where you have found porn.

5. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you can beat it by yourself. This is a strong drug and you will need help. This is what is known as an accountability partner. This can be your spouse, a church leader (elder or evangelist), or anyone with integrity that you can trust to help you keep away from the source of the sin, a fellow Christian. This is one of the most powerful sources of help for this problem. This person will be available to pray for you, ask you questions like, “What sites have you visited today?” “Did you feel tempted today and what caused it?”. This person will keep up with you diligently and pray for you regularly. This person will have to be able to look beyond the hurts, and anger, and frustration that an addict usually goes through. An accountability partner is hard for the addict because it hurts your pride. Most men like to feel that they can handle it, but in this case, this is something more powerful that you can handle.

6. And finally, repentance. You may say, “I have repented for this same thing over and over again for the last 20 years. It’s not working!” Repentance is not the recurring thing that you do over and over again, but it’s a change of heart. Turning around in your mind is not enough. It’s the place where you say, “God, I am tired of this problem and I am tired of living a lie to my family and friends and not living a life that is pleasing to you! I promise to do whatever it takes even if it means getting out of my safe zone to make a change.” God will grant us a repentant heart if we ask Him. II Timothy says that God will grant a repentant heart so that we may know the truth, come to our senses and escape the snare of the devil having been taken by him to do his will. It’s time to make a change and if you are an addict or the spouse, friend, or parent of someone who is caught in the web of pornography, it can begin right now.

It is a sin. You cannot devote yourself to a moderation of this, or any other sin. It must be removed from your life.

http://fossilcreekchurchofchrist.org/the-secret-sin-of-pornography/ 

 

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 Advice For Wives Whose Husbands Are Addicted to Pornography

(thoughts taken from around the web) 

 

"Many women also lose financial security and health. When most people grieve losses (i.e. in the case of a death), they are able to share their pain with friends and family who are aware of their suffering. Grief resulting from betrayal is unfortunately usually very private, covered in secrecy and shame. I sincerely want women to know that they are not alone and to choose safe and healthy support networks. It’s also very normal for the wife of a porn addict to feel suffocated by feelings of fear, need for control, guilt, anger, and dependence on her husband for her happiness and sense of self-worth." -unknown

  • It's not your fault. Your husband's problem with porn did not begin when you gained 20 lbs, most likely it started around 12 yrs. old. 
  • Stay close to the Lord.
  • Look at his spiritual side. Be willing to help him as you would any brother in Christ. If he isn't a Christian, help guide him to truth by your words and actions.
  • Take care of yourself physically and spiritually. 
  • You can not change him; a person has to WANT to stop sinning. They can say they want to, but unless they really do, there will be no change in behavior.
  • Hold each other accountable. Share something you can be accountable to him that you'd like to change about yourself.
  • Pray together.
  • Seek to forgive him. Work toward forgiveness. (This is a process, not an event!)
  • Recovery is not a quick-fix, but rather is a life-long process. I believe the recovery process takes longer than most people expect because partners not only need to work on the marriage unit, but also on their individual selves. 
  • Be extremely sensitive to sexually charged media or resources in their home.
  • Move forward spiritually. Keep praying. 
  • Don't withhold inimacy from him. At first that may be the case but as time goes on the intimacy needs to continue to help bring back a healthy marriage relationship.
  • Get counseling. I don’t care how awesome your marriage is, if your spouse is entangled in sin, you need counseling. It is VERY hard to fight that particular sin. You need help; your spouse needs help. Don’t think you can handle it on your own. Do NOT keep it secret. Remember, the secret sins are far more devastating. Keep them in the light. The light diminishes the dark!
  • Express your feelings but do so in the correct manner.  You have both a right and a need to express whatever you are feeling, but you need to do it in a way that will not complicate your recovery. Be honest about your hurts, share openly about your disappointment, but realize that lashing out with damning accusations and attacking, harsh words only makes things worse.
  • You need to know that while a man is entangled in pornography, the real sin is the battle of the mind. Each and every time he commits this sinful act, it sears his conscience. Over time it’s SO easily justified for the real thing because the mind is already used to it. I am not saying that every man caught in pornography has a physical affair, but that the stats are MUCH, MUCH higher!
  • A healthy environment for healing does not include: Withholding forgiveness because it feels like a “get out of jail free” card.

John Wolf - In the last portion of his article, he shared advice for how to live a porn-free life in these "four steps to freedom:"

1) Counseling. A good, biblical counselor can help you make a lot of progress in a relatively short time. A counselor can also help strained relationships suffering from the pain of pornography.

2) Accountability. Find another individual with whom you can share your struggles. At first, visit daily, then gradually decrease time together.

3) Maintenance. Avoid tempting situations. You can do numerous things in your life to resist moral failure. If your source of temptation is a regular visit to the bookstore, stay away, change the route you use to go home. If television is a problem for you, turn it off or set up some house rules, with no channel surfing. If the Internet is an obstacle, unplug the computer or only use it when someone is in the room with you.

4) The power of God. Make a time for God every day. Twenty minutes praying, reading and memorizing Scripture will make a big difference in your life.

Wolf compared the four steps to a four-legged chair. Take away one leg and the chair falls over.

"Satan will do everything within his power to keep a pornography addict from breaking free," he warned. "But the truth is nothing is too difficult for God. Remember, whatever battle you may be facing, God is bigger."

 

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Your Young Child is a Target for the Porn Industry

 When you think of a drug dealer, who do you think he targets to become a new customer? Kids, of course. They have a business and are selling their wares and, as all businesses, they look for customers who they will have a long-standing relationship with. Start them young and they may even have a life-long customer.

The same holds true with pornography. Start 'em young, get them addicted for life.  

Your child will not be looking for porn but, most likely, he or she will see it. Soft porn is all over the internet and it is placed in such a way as to get attention. There's a good chance friends at school, kids in the neighborhood, or even older family members will show your child porn. Never assume your children know better than to stare at these pornographic images; even the most obedient children are curious. If they are teased by friends for their ignorance or surrounded by conversations about porn, they may take a peack just to fit in. I'm not saying all will - there are young and older kids with strength and self-control - I'm just saying, if you assume your child won't be tempted, you may place them in a difficult position by not having internet rules and by not talking to them about this growing problem and helping them have the strength to refuse to join in in this temptation.

Don't be ignorant about the internet - learn the devious ways porn companies try to lure your children in. Pornographic sites are on pages of children's cartoons and are just a click away. "A few clicks on YouTube can land a child in unexpected territory, like a subgenre of pornography where popular cartoon characters, like Batman or Mario Bros., are dubbed over with alternate soundtracks and editing to show the characters engaging in explicit acts." This statement is true - it happened to me. I was searching for some old cartoons on youtube to show my grandchildren and I clicked on one which looked fine. It wasn't. In a couple of seconds I heard it was dubbed over with bad language and I quickly turned it off. I learned to check out these cartoons before showing them to the kids. Some mothers have said their kids were watching a cartoon on youtube and in the middle of the cartoon it switched over to a pornographic site.

FACTS ABOUT THE PORNOGRAPHY BUSINESS AND YOUR CHILDREN 

Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to eight. Before the days of the Internet, children were typically between the ages of eleven to thirteen when they began by viewing soft-core pornography found in magazines like Playboy.

If your child has an e-mail address, chances are he or she is being exposed to pornographic e-mail. One recent study found that 47 percent of school-aged children received porn spam on a daily basis. This study also found that as many as one in five children open the spam they receive.

Forty-two per cent of Internet users aged 10 to 17 surveyed said they had seen online pornography in a recent 12-month span. Of those, 66 per cent said they did not want to view the images and had not sought them out, University of New Hampshire researchers found.

In the survey, conducted between March and June 2005, most kids who reported unwanted exposure were age 13 to 17. Still, sizable numbers of 10- and 11-year-olds also had unwanted exposure – 17 per cent of boys and 16 per cent of girls that age.

More than one-third of 16- and 17-year-old boys surveyed said they had intentionally visited X-rated sites in the past year. Among girls the same age, 8 per cent had done so.

The results come from a telephone survey of 1,500 Internet users age 10 to 17, conducted with their parents' consent. The 2005 number was up from 25 per cent in a similar survey conducted in 1999 and 2000.

Online use that put kids at the highest risk for unwanted exposure to pornography was using file-sharing programs to download images. However, they also stumbled onto X-rated images through other "normal" Internet use, the researchers said, including talking online with friends, visiting chat rooms and playing games.

Psychologist and technology researcher Larry Rosen, PhD, of California State University, Dominguez Hills, is looking at one such shield: parents. In an as-yet-unpublished study, he found that young people's actions on MySpace--including looking at others' risqué poses, displaying their own and tapping into porn links--are strongly influenced by parenting styles. His team asked parents and young people to rate the way parents monitored young people's computer use, dividing parents into four categories: authoritative, combining warmth and control; authoritarian, melding control and low warmth; indulgent, displaying warmth and low control; and neglectful, combining low warmth and low control. Authoritative and authoritarian parents were much more likely than indulgent or neglectful ones to limit their youngsters' use of MySpace, for example by keeping tabs on their children's MySpace pages and requiring them to keep the computer in family rooms, the team found. In turn, the teens appeared to internalize those messages by, for example, not looking at suggestive poses of fellow MySpace users as much as those with indulgent or neglectful parents.

  • An estimated 20% of parents do not supervise their children's Internet use at all
  • Only 52% of parents moderately supervise their children's Internet use
  • Some 71% of parents stop supervising Internet use by their children after the age of 14, yet 72% of all Internet-related missing children cases involve children who are 15 years of age or older
  • Close to 62% of teens say their parents know little or nothing about the websites they visit
  • Internet crime is the fastest growing crime in the U.S., and children are the fastest growing victim pool
  • In the U.S., 95% of schools are now connected to the Internet

Over 45 million children ages 10 through 17 use the Internet. Among them:

 

 

  • One in five has been sexually solicited
  • One in four has encountered unwanted pornography
  • Close to 60% of teens have received an e-mail or instant message from a stranger and half have communicated back

  • Over 75% of Internet crimes involving sexual solicitations of children and exposure to unwanted pornography is not reported to police or parents.

Helpful Sites for More Information 
 
       sends report to friend of what you view on your computer.
 

 

Tips for Parents

What can you do as parents to help protect your child online?

 
  1. Place your computer in a common area of the house.
    This is probably the most important thing you can do. Do not let your children be in their rooms all night on the Internet. The mere presence of parents can have a tremendous effect on a child's online activities. It's much more difficult for a computer sex offender to communicate with a child when the computer screen is visible to a parent or other member of the household.
  2. Educate yourself about computers and the Internet.
    You need to know how to use the Internet in order to know what your children are doing on it. Take a basic computer class or buy a book about the Internet. Check with your ISP (Internet Service Provider) for information on using all of their services. Go to some of the sites listed in "Resources" to help you get started.
  3. Spend time with your children online.
    Ask your children how they use the Internet and have them teach you about their favorite destinations. Make "surfing the Net" a family experience. Just as you look for good television programs for your children, take the time to find the best and most useful websites for them. Go to "Resources" for some examples of fun sites for the whole family.
  4. Make reasonable rules and set time and use limits. Enforce them.
    You should set guidelines about what your children can and cannot do on the Internet. Try to understand their needs, interest and curiosity. But, you must set limits on when they may use the Internet and for how long.
  5. Educate yourself and your child about the dangers of the Internet.
    Teach your children about sexual victimization and other potential dangers of the Internet. Talk openly and honestly with your children about what they are doing on the Net and what your concerns are.
  6. Do not allow your child to go into private chat rooms, especially when you are not present.
    Computer sex offenders will often meet potential victims using chat rooms. Later, they'll attempt to communicate with children by way of e-mail or instant messaging. If you can, try to keep your child out of chat rooms altogether. You never know who is in a chat room watching and waiting for a victim.
  7. Reinforce the guiding rule, "Don't talk to strangers."
    Tell your children what they are told online may, or may not, be true. No matter how much their online "buddies" seem like friends who share interests, they are still strangers. Remember, cybermolesters pretend to be children.
  8. Put accounts in your name and know your child's passwords.
    The Internet account and primary screen name should be in your name, not your children's names. It's also a good idea to know your children's passwords and let them know you will check their online activity.
  9. Never allow your children to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone they met online without your permission.
    Many predators want to meet a child for sexual contact. Your child should never meet a stranger alone in a face-to-face meeting. If you ever do agree to a meeting, make sure it is in a public place and accompany your child.
  10. Do not let your child give out any personal information of any kind on the Internet.
    Children should never give out their name, home address, telephone number or school name. They should be aware that even naming a friend, local sports team, shopping mall or community event could give away their identities.
  11. Do not let your child download or upload pictures without your permission.
    Predators will often send photographs or visuals to children as part of a grooming process to gain trust. Some of the photographs may be pornographic and may even involve child pornography.
  12. Utilize your Internet Service Provider's parental controls and commercial blocking and filtering software tools.
    Most ISP's have parental controls - use them. Other filtering and monitoring software programs can be purchased separately. Monitors show a history of use so you can see where your child has been on the Internet. Filters block access to objectionable material. Remember, while parents should utilize monitors and filters, do not totally rely upon them. There is no substitute for parental guidance and supervision. See our "Resources" for sites that compare monitors and filters.
  13. Be sensitive to changes in your children's behaviors that may indicate they are being victimized.
    Be alert to personality changes. If victimized online, children may become withdrawn from their families or secretive about their activities. Computer sex offenders work very hard at driving a wedge between children and their parents.
  14. Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of attention to your children or giving them gifts.
    Most sexual offenders are not just satisfied with the computer. Eventually, they want to talk to the children on the telephone, engage in "phone sex" and set up a meeting. As part of a "seduction" process, a sexual offender may send letters, photographs, gifts or packages to potential victims. Some offenders have even sent children digital cameras and plane tickets.
  15. Be aware of other computers your children could be using.
    Your children probably use computers at the library, school, friends' houses - maybe even cyber-cafés. Talk to your children about other computers they use.
  16. Be aware of your child using another person's screen name.
    Watch for your child using an online account belonging to someone else in order to bypass filters or monitors on your computer. Computer sex offenders may provide potential victims with a computer account for communication with them.
  17. Develop a "contract" with your children about their Internet use.
    You may want to develop an agreement or "contract" with your children about their use of the Internet. A pledge from your children to follow certain rules on the Internet may develop trust. Several websites have examples of contracts. You can find them in our "Resources."
  18. Review the use histories or logs of your computer to see where your children have been.
    Sometimes, you can trace where your child has been on the Internet by checking different areas of your computer. By clicking on Windows Explorer and checking such files as Cookies, Temp History, Internet History or Cache files, you can see what your children have been doing online. You can also check the recycle bin or deleted files to see what's been erased. If you suspect your child is deleting material, some programs will "undelete" files. Remember that some things are not stored unless a person saves or prints it, e.g., instant messages and chat conversations.

information provided by San Diego Co. District of Attorney http://www.sdcda.org

 

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What are some indications that your child might be at risk on the Internet? The signs could be as simple as excessive use of the Internet (especially at night) or as frightening as your child actually setting up a meeting with a stranger. Other things you should watch out for include:

  • Unsupervised time in chat rooms
  • Downloaded photos of strangers
  • Downloaded pornographic pictures
  • Phone calls, gifts or letters from strangers
  • Using an online account that belongs to someone else
  • Changes in behavior and being secretive about online activity

  • Quickly turning off the computer or changing the screen monitor when someone else enters the room

  •       An unusual curiosity about sexuality for his or her age

  • ·     Signs of premature sexual activity

  • ·     Unusual or unexplained credit card charges

  • ·     Increased pop-ups or inappropriate e-mails on your computer

  • ·     Noticeable changes in behavior, including increased secretiveness or defensiveness

 

Adult Swim adult cartoons have been moved up to 8:00 pm on the Cartoon Network.
 
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Cartoons are no laughing matter - Special Report
 
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Anime cartoons. Anime is Japanese cartoons made for children, teenagers, and adults. It is huge in Japan and gaining much popularity around the world. Adult anime is full of porn and extreme violence. The characters in these cartoons have huge child-like eyes. The girls are child-like with voices like little girls but their bodies are quite the opposite (to the extreme). They are easily found on the internest. Hulu makes you sign in for the adult ones. Netflix has a few and youtube is right there, easy to find and free. If I had children at home, I would ban all these cartoons due to adult references and the possible progression into the adult ones, even if done in ignorance. They are full of child abuse, homosexuality, violence, and immorality.
 
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My Little Pony  want to see it maimed and eaten just allow your child to go to Youtube and watch "kids shows" by themselves. Animation Domination, High-Def  it leads with "scientifically accurate"   graphic, ultra-violent, sexually explicit, and profanity-laden cartoons.
 
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"Pocket porn" -  kids watch porn on PSP gaming system. 

 

Here is a good Family Contract to be printed out and signed by both the child and the parent in regards to using the internet responsibly and for the parents to follow through with helping their children to be more responsible.

http://www.sdcda.org/preventing/protecting-children-online/family-contract.pdf

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. (Proverbs 10:1)

It is impossible to estimate the tremendous influence which children have on the happiness of their parents. The unfortunate thing about it is that the children are the last to realize it. It may be that a misplaced modesty inclines them to imagine that their course in life cannot be of much consequence to any one. In many cases, unhappily, gross selfishness engenders sheer indifference to the feelings of those who have most claim upon them, so that they never give a thought to the pain they are inflicting. But behind these special points there is the universal fact that no one can understand the depth and overpowering intensity of a parent's love until he becomes a parent himself. Then, in the yearning anxiety he experiences for his own children, a man may have a revelation of the love which he had received all the days of his life without ever dreaming of its wonderful power. But surely, up to their capacity for understanding it, children should realize the great trust that is given to them. They are entrusted with the happiness of their parents. After receiving from them life, food, shelter, innumerable good things and a watchful, tender love throughout, they have it in their power to make bright the evening of their father's and mother's life, or to cloud it with a deep, dark gloom of hopeless misery. -Pulpit Commentary

 

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There is a Pedophile in My Family: The Tools I Gave My Children to Protect Them from Harm

by Julie Anne Smith

 

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  Matthew 19:14

93% of child sex abuse victims know their perpetrators. We need to destroy the myth that those who prey on children are strangers. Do the math, only 7% are strangers.

Who are perpetrators? They are usually friends, relatives, church leaders, coaches, people involved in the child’s life that the children know and trust.

There is a pedophile in my family. He was a missionary. Where did he prey on children? In his own home, in his backyard pool when his sons brought their friends over to play, in public parks, in church restrooms or any public restroom.

I tell my kids that we don’t know who pedophiles are, but they are usually people they know and trust. Don’t think that most sex offenders are on sex offender registries. My family member has abused over 20 kids, but the Statute of Limitations has run out and so he is on no list. He is still a dangerous man.

All of my children through junior high age buddy up with a sibling when going to the restroom (even at church!). My children are also told to distrust anyone who tells them they must keep a secret and to let me know if this happens. Every single time they go to a sleepover or camp, I remind them of our special code: if they ever feel uncomfortable around someone for any reasons, they are to tell an adult they want to call home because they are “not feeling well.” I know that code language and will come pick up the child.

Equipping our children with knowledge of what to look for, how to respond, and to trust their gut is very important. So far, so good. I’ve been giving my kids these tools from the age they were taught to identify specific body parts, around 2-3 years of age.

In full disclosure, I was initially nervous to talk to my children about this difficult topic. But because we were still having limited family gatherings in which the known pedophile was present, I knew that I needed to get over my fears. Surprisingly, my children have always listened, asked appropriate questions, and have never been squeamish. I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself!

Children like to have knowledge. Knowledge gives them power so they are not afraid of the unknowns. Talking to children is much easier than it sounds. Please, do it!  After the first time broaching the subject, to follow up, all you will need to say is, “Remember when we talked about . . .???”  The rest will flow easily. Piece of cake. You’ve got this!!


Some important statistics:

Victims of sexual assault are:

  • 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
  • 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
  • 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
  • 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
  • 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. (Source: World Health Organization)

93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker.

  • 34.2% of attackers were family members.
  • 58.7% were acquaintances.
  • Only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim. (Source: U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. 2000 Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. 2000.)

Resources:

The above statistics and much more information can be found at RAINN.org:  Rape Abuse and Incest National Network

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