What I wish others knew about grief...
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WHAT WE WISH EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT LIVING WITH GRIEF

1. Some people who may be overlooked in their grief are: An adult who has lost an elderly parent. I have been guilty of this when I was younger. Surely loosing your mother when you are 50 and she is 80 is not so hard. After all, she has lived a good life (i.e. she is basically useless now). But when my mother reached the age of "elderly" and was crippled and needy, I certainly dreaded the time I would have to tell her good bye. Until the last week of her life she was clearheaded and still acting as counselor for my brothers and myself. When I lost her I truly lost my best friend (other than my husband). Just cut off my right hand, it would have been easier. But I am thankful for the hope I have for her and rejoice that she is free from her suffering.
2. How we can help: Just try to understand that we don't outgrow our love for our parents no matter how old we are, and realize that grief doesn't go away in just a few weeks or even months. Just simple words of understanding and kindness help.

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Just because you are an adult with small children of your own doesn't make your loss any less. just because the person who has passed on is "just your grandma" doesn't make the pain or hurt less intense...it is just different. she may not have been my mother but that doesn't make her any less missed or loved just because she was "just my grandma".

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I think the term, "just a grandma" or "just a neighbor"  is a cruel and thoughtless way to respond to anyone who is obviously hurting inside.  "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;" (1 Peter 3:8)  Most people don't understand how losing someone - even a long time pet - can hurt and change our lives.  We should probably take that into account when they say something like, "It was just your...."  

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Children's Grief:  Just a personal insight on that topic (raised on one of your pages)...   When my mother died, my dad, my little sister, and I were overwhelmed with cleaning out the house (LOADS of medical supplies, etc.) and preparing for a funeral, guests, etc.  My nephew who was only 5 is a little obnoxious on a good day, and he acted just awful.  While my dad and I wanted to discipline him (or kill him!), my sister’s motherly intuition kicked in...  She was able to talk with him and he eventually told her that he didn’t think anyone else loved him.  My mother thought he was fabulous and from his perspective, that bond was gone, all of us were tired and crabby, focused on work, not acting especially sweet to him — not recognizing that here was a 5 yr old boy grieving for his grandmother who really, really loved him.  I honestly think that he missed her more than any of us, except maybe my dad.  You think a child that small will just forget, but he and his twin sister still miss her and talk about her — going to Mamaw’s house is not the same now, even though they love their Papaw.  Bless their little hearts.  Now their fat old auntie tries to be a little kinder...    Sonja

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It intensifies the desire to work more dedicated for the Lord and for the wellbeing of your soul.  Death is all of a sudden real, but so is heaven.  Talk to people who are close to the kingdom but did not do the most important step in this life.  You never know when the time-bomb on your back stops ticking

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Just because you are an adult with small children of your own doesn't make your loss any less. Just because the person who has passed on is "just your grandma" doesn't make the pain or hurt less intense...it is just different. She may not have been my mother but that doesn't make her any less missed or loved just because she was "just my grandma".

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I think there are an awful lot of brethren and an awful lot of churches who are going to have to answer for how they treat the widows in their midst. My dear husband has been dead for 8 years and I still miss him every hour of every day and struggle spiritually because of his loss of leadership. But no one has ever even asked me how I am doing spiritually or if there is anything they can do. Church is not a place of comfort, its a place to miss that one person more painfully because you feel like no one really cares. And one member in our congregation, as he made announcements, told the members to make sure they checked on a young wife because her husband was out of town on business. Didn't seem to occur to him that her husband chose to be gone, but mine didn't. And at least she could pick up the phone and talk to hers, I can't. But the widow is just supposed to go on as if nothing has happened!!!

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I'm a widow and live alone.  Please invite me into your family to share in common things.  Many people are very attentive at the beginning, but the loneliness lasts and is sharper weeks and months longer.  Call me.  Suggest we get together.  Though I initiate contact with others, I sometimes feel like I'm horning in.  Hug me.  Put an arm around me or rub my shouldrers.  I have lost the human contact of my mate.  Call on me for help.  I need to feel needed.  Don't always put me with the girls.  I long for male conversation (even just listening) at times.  Sometimes I grow weary of woman's talk and just want a male point of view.  I have lost my balancer.  My husband balanced my way of thinking by helping me understand his thoughts on subjects.  Invite me to sit with you at services or just come sit by me.  Mention something that you loved about my husband or just that you miss him.  I don't want to feel that everyone has forgotten him.  Call me or write me a note on his birthday, our anniversary or the date he died just to let me know you're thinking of me.  Tell me that you know my husband would be proud of me for "doing so well."

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I am still learning to live without my beloved Husband of 52 years. I try to keep busy. Otherwise, I find myself feeling sorry for my self and very lonely.

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Adult children who have lost parents are expected to be mature and in need of nothing.  I lost my parents 25-30 years ago but some days it seems like yesterday.  I find myself talking to them and realize they can not hear; what a hole it leaves in one's heart.  People greieve differently and some don't know how, after so many years people think you should be passed it, gone and forgotten.  Not so, until you lose someone, you can not know how someone feels or how they should feel.  No one to check on you - things that need done around the house inside or out.  Single women, widowed or whatever, we need attention; who do I ask for help that I am comfortable talking to, and it not be ignored or talked about to others.  Bushes need dug up and dirt to fill it back up - especially single women who have little to no money to spend. Does anyone understand?

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I have another kind of grief. For 28 year I tried to make my marriage work. My husband was loving at times, at others he was both abusive and a fornicator. I am free now, but so many of the comments above this also describe my wishes... to be included, to be touched, to be needed.